Cally Jackson and Rachel Morgan are hosting the Power of Tension Blogfest, and I have decided to take part.
If you're interested in joining, you just need to sign up (at one of their blogs) and post an 300 word excerpt of a scene filled with tension (or not filled with tension but should be and that you're hoping to get some feedback on). There are prizes. Go check it out!
Aaand... here is my scene! I'd love to know your thoughts, and how you think I can up the tension in the scene.
“You running, freak? Maybe you should just keep going and live in the mountains like the freak you are. Even your parents didn’t want you.”
“You shouldn’t have said that.” My voice was low, but I knew it was full of the anger that was now flexing through my body in a rare moment of freedom. Gavin seemed to realise the error of his ways because he began backing toward the door. His friends had already made a run for it, but I wasn’t interested in them. My eyes were locked on Gavin.
He quickened his pace. Stupid. You never run from a predator.
I could feel the power dancing along my skin; a bag of chips on the shelf beside me exploded under the change in pressure. Out of the corner of my eye I saw the shop keeper dive under the counter. Heard his soft whimper.
The whites of Gavin’s eyes expanded, but his fear was making him even stupider than usual.
“It’s true isn’t it?” he sneered. “Your parents buggered off and left you to be raised by your grandparents. Couldn’t stand the sight of you?”
“Actually”– I grinned at him, showing my teeth –“my mum was murdered.” I didn’t let Gavin know how close to the truth he was about my father.
In a rare moment of self preservation Gavin turned and bolted. I gave him a second’s head start, then followed him out the door.
He only made it a few metres down the road. I didn’t actually have to catch him; the power didn’t need physical contact to do its thing. One second Gavin was sprinting full tilt down the road, the next he was flat on his face, and whimpering, “Stop! Make it stop.”