Bart Simpson: Hey Lisa, how was your day at Springfield Elementary School today? Did you play your saxophone in music lessons with Dewey Largo, Springfield Elementary School's music teacher?Lisa Simpson: Why yes I did, Bart. Thank you for asking. How did you know?
Bart Simpson: Because that's what you do at the start of every episode, of course.
Ok, it's obvious I'm not going to get a job any time soon as a Simpson's script writer, and I'm not entirely convinced this is the best way to illustrate the point I want to make but it's the best I could come up with on short notice without quoting from a book.
What is wrong with this bit of horrid dialogue (other than the obvious)? Could it possibly be that Bart has included a lot of information that isn't necessary because Lisa is already very familiar with it? In other words, is Bart's dialogue completely unrealistic because really he'd say something more like, 'Hey Lis, how's school today? Did you get kicked out of sax class again?' (We're just pretending for a moment that Bart is a nice brother and he'd actually care how Lisa's day is.)
All the other information, the names, the places - the specifics - is not necessary. At least in the context of those two having a conversation. Lisa already knows what school Bart is talking about because she goes there. She knows who her music teacher is. She knows where her music teacher teaches. The only reason a writer would write a piece of dialogue with so much unnecessary information is because they are trying to inform the reader.
I'm here to say ... don't do that. Seriously. Don't. Unless you're trying to make your reader cringe.
Dialogue for the sake of imparting information to the reader, and not because it would be a natural conversation for the characters to have, is a great way to create stilted scenes. It doesn't feel real, and for good reason. It's a dialogue info-dump, and it's just as bad as the non-dialogue kind.
Do you notice the dialogue info-dump? Does it make you cringe? What other tips do you have for avoiding stilted dialogue?
Ooo...not sure if I have any tips. It's hard for me to avoid it myself! It's such a fine line, balancing between giving information and assuming the reader knows. It usually requires LOADS of betas, too.
ReplyDeleteI DO cringe when things are total cheese. *shivers* Seriously, the bile sorta rises in my throat and I have the sudden urge to throw my Kindle. Just sayin' :D
Oh yes, cheese factor is a cringeworthy dialogue crime! Right up there with putting info for the readers benefit into the dialogue!
DeleteUncertainty and misunderstanding can help. I can't remember which famous author said that if you have an infodump at the start of a story, have a great deal of uncertainty on whether the information is reliable, even having other characters question that character's honesty. For later on, there can be misunderstanding. In one of my manuscripts I have a bad guy being questioned on whether there's some immediate danger. A couple of the characters get antsy, to the point of one of them going up on the balls of her feet while holding a weapon. The bad guy thinks they're about to beat the truth out of him, but they're actually getting ready to be attacked. The main character doesn't bother to relieve the bad guy of his misunderstanding.
ReplyDeleteIn other words, a scene where information is acquired is just like any other scene: Ratchet up the tension.
It's funny, I read a blog post today by Moody Writing that said something along these lines. Starting a story with a lie but that the reader thinks is truth. Good tips, Mark.
DeleteThis. There are times when characters can say things to introduce us to world-building or information we need to know, but it needs to be done in a way that makes sense to the characters and the setting.
ReplyDeleteI absolutely agree, Laura. If the character being spoken to is just as much in the dark as the reader, then it's ok!
DeleteYeah it did kinda make me cringe ;-) Hope I've managed to avoid that in my writing!
ReplyDeleteI think you can "test" your dialogue by reading it out loud... then you know if it sounds like someone might actually say it!
Reading it aloud is a good idea. I have a friend who does community theatre and also writes. We tried reading some dialogue together but I found I got too self-conscious. It might be best to do this alone! :)
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