Since finishing the first draft of my WIP, I've started trying to write a query letter. I know I'm still a long way away from querying anyone, but I figured it's going to take me a while to get it right. And it is. It's HARD!
Anyway, my query has been through a few iterations since the first version. My most recent version (only the part about the story) is under the tab 'Blood Dragon' above. I've had some feedback on Nathan Bransford's forum asking for more feedback, so I've tried to steer away from previous versions. I'm struggling with length (358 words!) and just the query in gerenal. Any feedback would be wonderful!
I will be getting around everyone's entries tomorrow morning. Can't wait to read them all! (I would have done this sooner, but my dad is in Japan so it's been a stressful day! He's ok though.)
QUERY: Blood Legacy (YA Fantasy)
The people of Dereshan have waited centuries for their saviour, a child with two-toned eyes and the heir of the last dragon queen. But for Dani Strider, ignorant of her heritage after growing up on earth, the uncontrolled magic coursing through her is a curse. All it’s ever gotten her is loneliness.
When Dani wakes to strangers in her home the last thing she expects is to meet the family she thought were nonexistent. Her joy at the discovery is ripped away when they vanish, fading into the woods behind her house. The only evidence of their visit is a cryptic message: if he comes, you must follow.
Dani’s anger at the loss unleashes her magic and wreaks destruction on her surroundings. She wakes in a blast crater, a giant gray dog at her side, and an expression all too human in his eyes.
Dani follows the dog to Dereshan, only to discover he has a voice, an attitude, and far too many secrets. His help doesn’t come free; he wants to be healed and Dani’s the only one who can do it. What he means by that he refuses to tell.
The long-lived tyrant Vaddrin controls the world of Dereshan using fear and dark magic, and is soon to find the Dragons’ Histories, a weapon that will give him dominion over not just Dereshan, but all its parallel worlds, including Earth. According to an ancient prophecy, Dani’s the only one who can stop him, and he wants her dead.
Dani discovers her ancestors are the founding members of a society called the Kaardrivaal, the only opposing force against Vaddrin. If Dani bends to fate she will join the war against Vaddrin, and it will likely cost her life. But she is determined to choose her own path, and by doing so she may lose the one thing she’s always wanted: her chance to claim her place in the world.
BLOOD LEGACY is a young adult fantasy of approximately 84,000 words. It is a complete story with strong series potential. This is my first novel.
Thank you for your time and consideration.