Of course, rules are made to be broken, but only when broken with skill. There's a place for all the items listed above, and they can often add a new layer to our work. But when overdone... well ... bleugh. 'Nuff said.
Consider:
Tingling spread rapidly down my neck, and dropped quickly lower, like bony fingers scraping my stiff spine. I tensed at the eerie familiar feeling, a fleeting moment of intense panic freezing my shaking hand like a leaf in the wind, as I reached out to pay the portly shop keeper.
“You gonna pay, or just stand there all day?” he snarled, his intense fear at my presence bursting forth as bitter anger like a dam breaching its walls.So... how'd you go reading that? Did you make it to the end? Quit after the first sentence when the overabundance of -ly's made your stomach squirm? Want to take a red pen to the awful similes?
Is this better?
Tingling spread down my neck, and dropped lower, like fingers scraping my spine. I tensed at the familiar feeling, a fleeting moment of panic freezing my hand as I reached out to pay the shop keeper.
“You gonna pay, or just stand there all day?” he said, his fear at my presence coming out as anger.
Ok, so that's still not perfect prose by any means. But it is an improvement, no?
I can't speak for everyone, but when I read a book that has excessive amounts -ly's, likes, as ifs, and althoughs I cringe, and depending how bad it is, sometimes I stop reading all together.
I have just been reading a series (a NY Times bestselling series I might add) where EVERY page had at least one simile on it. Not exaggerating. And every time I came across a passage where tall buildings were described, before I even read it I knew there would be a line like "skyscrapers like daggers reaching for the sky," or "like shards of glass piercing the sky." EVERY TIME. Talk about distracting.
So, what do you think? Are you a minimalist when it comes to description? Believe the -ly's should never be seen? Same with the 'likes'? Are are you a bit more forgiving of this type of thing?
I've become more aware of them since I started writing. Some times I wonder if it's only fellow writers who notice this sort of thing in books. Either way I really notice it now.
ReplyDeleteWriting chock full of adverbs and adjectives does sound amaturish. When the writing is streamlined the few remaining carry so much more weight, and actually add to what the writer is trying to say.
ReplyDeleteThanks for commenting!
I actually like a good simile or metaphor, but their power is reduce the more they're used, I think. In the example I gave the similes were crammed into every page. It was enough to make my eyes bleed! (How does everyone feel about hyperbole?)
ReplyDeleteThanks, Trisha :). It was kinda fun writing it (don't tell).
ReplyDelete(Sorry for the double comment; I'm not used to this method of signing in and I signed in under the wrong name. I tried to delete both comments under this username, but I don't have a way to do so...please feel free to remove both of them!)
ReplyDeleteI think that these things should be done in moderation. The second example you gave was SO much better. I don't have a problem with adverbs, similes, and alternate dialogue tags if they're used in moderation and written well. (My eyes kind of glazed over by the time I got to the second paragraph in your first example. ;))
ReplyDeleteGood description is very hard to write yet it's critical in order to create a sense of atmosphere not just for your readers, but the character, too. The kind of atmosphere that your character is in, the setting, the ambience, will have an affect on how they talk, how they move, and how they react.
ReplyDeleteI tend to open new scenes with a brief overview of the setting, and where necessary, sprinkle more in as appropriate. I find it reads more naturally that way.
I don't really notice them. I didn't know I wrote them into one of my own short stories until a friend pointed out that a lot of my adverbs are redundant when added to the rest of the prose. Now I'm more aware of them, so I'll be working to avoid them.
ReplyDeleteI do use similes in moderation (the less you use, the more impact they have) and I've never really taken notice of my adverb use. I've never thought my work to be too over the top with descriptions though, so I'm not too worried. Something to think about when it comes to edits though.
ReplyDeleteYes, second para much better! Overwriting just sounds amaturish. Clean, streamlined writing is a sign of someone who's been around the block a few times.
ReplyDeleteThanks for a great post!
Ha! Love the title of this post. I agree that similes (especially similar similes) can be very distracting. We get it! Move on!
ReplyDeleteI never understood the aversion to adverbs until reviewing my own work one day. For kicks I took them out and I was amazed at the difference. I think sprinkling them in is good, but less is more in some cases.
ReplyDeleteI only notice when it is excessive or when I feel like similes have been added so the author sounds smart instead of to further the story. Then I get annoyed. Otherwise, they definitely have a place as long as they are used correctly.
ReplyDeleteI am definitely a minimalist! Sometimes scenes need more description, though. That's where my crit partners come in handy. If I can't recognize it, they can.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, I gave you an award on my blog today.
I suck at similes and metaphors so there aren't many in my writing :) Regular description is fine though, I like writing it, but I don't put much in since I write kidlit and they'll get bored with too much.
ReplyDeletePS I gave you a blog award.
As I am currently (hehe adverb) in the eighth grade, I feel the full impact of what you're saying. We have to address similes in novels we've read and tell what they mean, ditto with metaphors. However, I don't think I've ever had to go back and put figurative language into an essay. We have had pieces of writing where we have to include so many similes, metaphors, and such.
ReplyDeleteI personally (look another one) think that adverbs are okay if not over done. If you feel your sentence sounds the same without it and has the same impact, then leave it out.
Accidental double comment.
ReplyDeleteHEHE, love your blog entry title ;)
ReplyDeleteLove the revision! :) Well done.
ReplyDeleteA minimalist to a fault, so I over-compensate. There's no winning. :)
ReplyDeleteI think that when I first write, everything is just thrown out there so that it is down on paper and out of my mind. Then I tighten everything up when I get into edit mode. I try not to be too distracting with description but still want to hold enough attention.
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely, Kari Marie. Some adverbs really add something, especially if there's no stronger verbs that say what you need to say.
ReplyDeleteGood point, Sierra. When you're not noticing is probably when the author is using them well, so you're not getting jarred out of the story.
ReplyDeleteThanks Michelle! I'll check it out :).
ReplyDeleteI think when I write first drafts I put waaay too many adverbs and adjectives in. Then my crit partners tell me where I need to cull.
Thanks for the award :)
ReplyDeleteI don't think kids are the only ones who get bored with too much description. I love it when a setting or scene comes alive with good description but when it gets too much I find myself skimming.
"Once a final copy is finished, they have to go back and "spice" it up by adding in "colorful" language and replacing "said" with other words."
ReplyDeleteThis really did make me laugh. Although I probably shouldn't because it's sad really. I wonder where these ideas come from? I'd actually be ok with said getting almost wiped. As long as it's replaced with action tags and not variations of said.
I agree, Laura. Everything in moderation.
ReplyDeleteThat's ok, wayfarer! Not sure I can delete them but it's not a problem :)
ReplyDeleteThanks, Margo. The 'revised' version is actually a first draft exerpt from my current WIP (I was having trouble thinking up an example), and the 'original' version was the 'revised' version with as many adverbs, adjectives and similes as I could stuff in :). So I actually worked backwards.
ReplyDeleteVery true, Anita. I just write the way I write for first draft. Try not to over-analyse, and then go back and fix at the end. I often need my CPs to point out where I need to do some cutting because sometimes I just can't see it myself.
ReplyDeleteThanks Carrie :). And yes, there's only so many times that I need to be told 'the skyscrapers were like daggers piercing the sky'.
ReplyDeleteGreat post, Sari. You are so right! Loved your examples.
ReplyDeleteI tend to be a minimalist during the first draft and add in more detail with revisions. I try to describe only what the characters would find interesting, not the every day stuff (like buildings) since readers can imagine that stuff easily enough on their own.
Loved your examples.
ReplyDeleteAlso love your blog.
I tend to be a minimalist when it comes to the description but I'm working on it.
I'm trying to find a happy balance between being too descriptive and not descriptive enough. Great post!
ReplyDeleteGood point, CherylAnne. I think beginning writers often underestimate the reader's ability to imagine the world, and go over the top with their descriptions.
ReplyDeleteI wish I worked the same way as you. I tend to put too much description in first time round, and then have to cut later.
I think this is one of my never-ending battles with writing. I envy the writers who just KNOW. The ones with the magic descriptive touch. I just have to keep trying. :)
ReplyDeleteThanks for commenting, Lydia!
This post is great, but the title is UNBELIEVABLE. I love it and am bookmarking it. Thought about your advice today while writing. I couldn't believe how many adverbs I caught!
ReplyDeleteThanks Bess! Glad you enjoyed it, and that it was helpful. :)
ReplyDeleteI think I could have squeezed a few more adjectives and adverbs in. Maybe: "I am busily writing an exciting blog post!" I exclaimed happily, whilst thirstily drinking instant coffee that was black like my quickly beating heart.
The ironic thing here is that, generally, the stance of the school system is teach kids to do all the things you are saying not to do. I was working with my son, recently, on a paper he was doing for school, and he informed me that he has both a "final" and "polished" copy that he has to turn in. Once a final copy is finished, they have to go back and "spice" it up by adding in "colorful" language and replacing "said" with other words.
ReplyDeleteIn my daughter's class, they have posters on the wall of adjectives and adverbs that they should try to throw into their work and another poster with a list of alternate words for "said," as they are not allowed to use that word at all.
When you get to the point of wanting to be a writer, you really have to go back to the wisdom of Yoda: "Unlearn what you have learned."
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